Pastoral care: providing a ministry of compassionate presence by Kevin Driscoll, OYYA Ask a room of any size filled with youth ministers and ask them why they got into youth ministry and inevitably you’ll hear, “Because they keep me young,” or “Because of their youthful spirit,” or “Because of their infectious enthusiasm.” Indeed, we are energized by our youth, who remind us how joyful life can be without the burdens of mortgages, car payments, student loans, hassles at work, health problems, etc. etc. But what happens when our wellsprings of joy run dry? What happens when their waving hands and chants turn to pain and tears? What then? The last few months I have been led on a journey, with the Holy Spirit as my tour guide. He (gender-neutrality aside, my image of God here is male...probably because as a tour guide He wouldn’t need directions) has led me through the dark underbelly of the world of youth ministry: streets of darkness where little light has shined and where Light is needed most. How difficult it is to be the Light in this world of darkness. My friend Jim, a youth ministry coordinator from North Palm Beach, Florida who is also a counselor, sees hurt on a daily basis. Since our time in ministry together in south Florida, we have often lamented that pastoral care issues are the "elephant on the doorstep" that most YM's know is out there but don't want to acknowledge because they simply aren't prepared or qualified to handle it when it tracks mud all over the living room. We've often wondered what could be done to address what we perceive to be a big gap in comprehensive YM practices (Pastoral Care is one of eight components of a comprehensive youth ministry program as detailed in Renewing the Vision, the Bishops’ document on youth ministry). In addition to the usual batch of teen issues we all face in youth ministry, Jim has also spent a good deal of the last year and a half in youth gatherings and counseling sessions dealing with the emotional aftermath of recent hurricanes in his community. Following the lead of our tour guide, we teamed up to present a workshop for adult leaders at the recent National Catholic Youth Conference in Atlanta, The Aftermath of Tragedy: Helping Young People Get Through It, Not Over It, in hopes of raising awareness of what we feel is a significant area of need for youth ministers today. The session addressed signs of grief and depression, and how to respond when times are rough for one or more members of a youth program. In the wake of Katrina, we felt strongly that youth leaders at NCYC would be interested in learning more about how to provide pastoral care to young people suffering from the effects of the disaster. Because we’ve felt that youth leaders are also interested in learning more about how to provide pastoral care to young people suffering from all sorts of tragedies, our session description left the door open to invite youth leaders facing crisis from many angles. We were simply overwhelmed with the response. An estimated 300 youth leaders stuffed the room. We surveyed them to see if our audience was mostly hurricane victims, and only an estimated 20-30 were there because of the hurricane. We found that most were youth leaders who faced death—suicides, car accidents, etc.—addiction, and more. We could have stayed in that room the entire weekend listening to youth leaders share their stories of how their parish has—or hasn’t—responded when faced with crisis. As our all-too brief 90 minutes concluded, I made a comment, “One thing is certain, that we all believe strongly that the component of Pastoral Care is an area that needs further exploration.” Applause and nodding followed. Shortly after our delegation collected their bags at Midway and headed home, one of the participating programs in NCYC—the Tri-Parish Youth Ministry program from La Porte—experienced such a tragedy. Terence Metcalf, a 21 year old from Sacred Heart Parish in La Porte that served as a youth ministry volunteer for the program and as an 8th grade catechist, was killed in an automobile accident on an early Saturday mid-November morning. I’ve never been more proud to be in youth ministry than I was the week following Terence’s death. I watched as Father Ian Williams, Pastor of Sacred Heart, opened the doors of his parish to the teens and adult leaders of the program. They gathered that Sunday afternoon to simply pray and grieve. The teens came. They lit candles and told stories. They laughed and they cried. They asked hard questions, and Father Ian reminded them that God’s ways are not ours. Jackie Hennessy, who has led the Tri-Parish flock for years of good times and bad, successfully managed to be a source of strength, all the while carrying her own weakness and sorrow. Volunteer Pam Williams, a close friend of Terence, held back her own tears as she worked the phone to inform friends and loved ones near and far of what had happened. Sometimes providing pastoral care is stepping up and providing crisis intervention, addiction prevention or response, or referral to trained professionals. Sometimes it’s simply unlocking the door and letting teens gather together to cry. Something else happened that reinvigorated my belief in the power of youth ministry. The teens gathered in a circle around the altar to pray and tell stories about Terence. But their parents came, too. So did parishioners that had little or no connection with the youth program. One by one, they too lit candles and said, “We didn’t know Terence, but thank you for being a positive presence in the lives of these young people.” Terence was a servant of God, and youth ministry provided the job assignments. The community recognized that when Terence’s time on this globe was up, his walk to our Lord was a little shorter thanks to the ministry of some very good people, and the support of three very good parishes. The component of Pastoral Care acknowledges that we must follow Christ’s example of ministry to the whole person. Sure, Christ broke lots of bread with his Apostles (I’m sure they would have ordered lots of pizza if it were around then), and genuinely enjoyed his time with friends in joyful community (why else would he have made all that wine?). But he also assembled them in prayer, and he also did his fair share of healing. Fun is easy. Healing is hard. As I watched the Tri-Parish Youth Ministry program assemble on that Sunday, and at a Eucharistic celebration in honor of Terence the following Wednesday, I saw a Body of Christ in need of healing. Paul said, with God as the Head, our body is many parts, and this body had suffered a gaping wound. But a healthy body heals itself, and this body will do so by relying on each other. None of us has the power to heal the mind, body, and soul of our youth alone. We must work together, ever mindful that our God Head’s ways are not ours. My tour guide is still leading, and I don’t know where He’ll take me. I do wish to pursue the component of Pastoral Care further. Jim and I are mulling another workshop in Las Vegas next December at the National Conference for Catholic Youth Ministry. He’s talking about a book for youth ministers, which I’m convinced would be an important resource for any youth minister. I am also surrounded by some very good people closer to home, including Deanna McDonald, whose social work practice has been with families and adolescents, and has assumed important leadership roles at TAPT and CYX. She will speak on the topic of teens in crisis at the first “YM Café,” February 4th (see enclosed). Deanna has seen the transformational power of youth ministry at her parish (St. Mary, Griffith) and at the diocesan level, and is ever-mindful of the warning signs in teens that need that transforming presence of Christ the most. I pray that the Holy Spirit is with you when you are faced with those elephants on your doorstep. We are often reminded that we do a lot more than just “play with kids.” Responding to teens in crisis reminds us that sometimes the something more we are called to provide is a Christian healing presence.
|
